Finding Balance

Tonight, I’m feeling anxious. I just finished a very big work event which followed months of intense wedding planning and other work travel. My plate finally feels somewhat empty and I’m fighting the urge to immediately fill it up with new to-do’s. I’m trying to remind myself that I deserve rest. Not just 1 day of rest, not just 1 nap. I deserve as much rest as I need and rest can mean whatever I need it to mean. As my busy season winds down, I’m trying to invest in more “self-care.” But sometimes navigating what I really need is extremely confusing.

I think self-care, in theory, is all well and good for a person with zero issues besides just “not making time for themselves.” But the people I know that need this help most (me, hi) are the overacheivers, the perfectionists, the anxious or the overworked. To me, being instructed to up my self-care routine often sounds like another daunting thing to add to my to-do list. So how do I balance truly “making time for me” without turning it into a chore?

I don’t, obviously. See: tonight. But I’m working on it. I’ve discovered that finding the best self-care practices for me include 1) figuring out what truly calms me down, 2) doing that in a way that works best for me and 3) not giving a shit if that’s not how someone else does it.

Eating well and meal prep started as self-care for me and turned into an unhealthy obsession that consumed my life. The same could be said for certain types of exercise. I even have to be careful with writing. I love to write and it definitely relaxes me, but I tend to turn everything into a task, which removes the fun. I start attaching rules:

 “You can’t write unless you have x, y, and z done.”

“You need to write at least 1 blog post per month.”

 And once I make the commands a habit, I create new rules and challenges.

“You need to write at least 1 blog post per week, and use it as an opportunity to make some new cool designs to incorporate.”

 And just like that, I’m sick of writing and I take it off my to-do list entirely until it seems less daunting. Which is why you’ll often see me post regularly for a while and then suddenly stop for months.

 But why does self-care always have to be so rigid? “Go to yoga 3x a week, journal every morning, no phone before bed!” In my opinion, these rules are what fuel perfectionists to start these routines in the first place and as a result, are what cause them to feel like failures and not stick to any of them. These goals might work for some people, but they don’t seem to work for me.

So here are some ways I’ve learned to stay focused on my work and motivated to pursue my hobbies while making reasonable time for myself. Writing these down as #selfcare to attempt to get through to myself tonight.

1) Roughly plan out meals for the week but leave lots of room for flexibility. I usually leave at LEAST 2 days free for whenever I don’t feel like cooking or am craving something really specific. Don’t overdo it on the meal prep. Sundays will turn into a nightmare full of cooking, and the rest of the week will feel rigidly planned. I stress out when I have extra food that I have to throw out too and will then mentally punish myself for “not sticking to the plan” and having too many leftovers.

2) Do the same with exercise, and listen to your body! Just like meals, I roughly plan my workouts for the week on Sunday. I almost ALWAYS change what I end up doing, but I like to have a variety of options cued up since I tend to workout in the morning and don’t want to think up a brand new workout as I’m rolling from my bed to the gym. Just like with meal prep, I need to be careful not to be too rigid because again, if I don’t allow for flexibility, my mind will not be satisfied until I finish my exact plan.

3) If you don’t like doing something that someone on Instagram claims is amazing for you, don’t fucking do it. I get that baths are relaxing for sure. But for me, they are way more effort than they’re worth and 9 out of 10 times give me UTI so I will pass on ze bath.

4) Make smaller, parsed up to-do lists. To me, there is nothing more satisfying than crossing off the final item on a to-do list. But that means when I create to-do lists, I add too many items and am always in a frenzy to get them finished. Sometimes that’s great, but usually it results in anxiety and frustration when I don’t get it all done. I’ve found that making 2 or 3 smaller to-do lists helps. I make a high priority to-do list and an extra to-do list for all of the other stuff that would be nice to get done. I focus on the high priority (and make sure it only has a few, very doable items on it) and if I’m feeling up to it, I’ll move a few items from the secondary list. If not, I feel accomplished and free to do whatever else I please before I tackle a few more items tomorrow.

5) Have compassion. Always. Every day will have surprises. Nothing will go exactly as planned. The best thing you can do as self-care is to fucking CARE FOR YOURSELF. Ask yourself what you need and do your very best to deliver on that.

Ok, I’m feeling better, how about you?