The Evolution of a Family

Families are weird. They’re special and annoying and constantly changing, sometimes at a rate that’s hard to keep up with. The longer you’re a part of a one, the more special they become, and the harder it is when they face an evolution.

I grew up with the “fun” family. There were no rules at our house. I had my parents constant, undeniable support. I was, much to his dismay, obsessed with my brother. Everything was more fun when Shawn was involved. When I was younger, I even said I was going to marry him. I was young enough where it was still cute and not weird.

Although we had a huge family (6 aunts and uncles on BOTH sides, plus kids and some kids’ kids), my true family always felt like my mom, dad, Shawn and me. Most extended family events just felt like tradition. They were fun, but never shared the intimate qualities and moments that my immediate family did. But just like with everything, we got older and things changed.

Our family evolved as Shawn moved away for college and even though he was nearby, I lost my partner-in-crime.

I watched my parents evolve as a couple, as I moved away for college and they became empty-nesters. A house once filled with 4am computer game noises and girls giggling on the trampoline was now silent. Well except for my dad blasting movies so loudly that the entire house would rumble.

I became part of a new family too. A small family that consisted of two brothers and their father. A family that had already evolved with the loss of their mother. They graciously let me into their band of boys and not so shortly thereafter, the Service family evolved again. I watched someone I had slowly let in as my secondary father figure succumb to a terrible illness. I did my best to support two grieving brothers as it felt like our new family evolved into just a group of young, confused kids.

Last year, my extended family evolved as we lost the only grandparent many of us had known. I never felt extraordinarily close to her, but I watched her children grieve and had to learn to comfort someone who typically only comforted me, my mother. I watched my mom grapple with feelings that Spencer, Bradley, and I faced when we lost Kimball. A feeling of true, deep loss of a prime member of the family unit. A feeling of confusion about what to do next. A feeling of guilt – for feeling relieved – that the constant care-taking was over.

When Shawn went off to college, I thought our family would NEVER BE THE SAME. And I was definitely right. But it’s not not the same in a bad way. All of the evolutions of course are not based on loss. Our family is bigger and stronger and more mature. Our relationships feel more like intimate friendships now.

I gained an incredible new brother in Bradley. I gained a hilarious sister-in-law in Jenny. I gained a goofy, adorable nephew in Keane. I gained another large family of aunts, uncles, and cousins. I gained a Grandma AND a Grandpa, something I had never known. And Shawn gained a new family, too.

So despite many losses and changes, today I am thankful for my family, no matter how different it is from when I was a kid.

I am thankful for my family’s tight bond and our ability to ebb and flow with each other as we all change. My dad may struggle with having less in common with my brother than he used to, but he now has my husband to share certain interests with. My dad and Shawn now bond over a new experience - fatherhood! My mom may struggle with keeping up on our newfound culinary desires, but Shawn and I now enjoy cooking modernized versions of her favorite dishes. Shawn and I have a more mutual, appropriate obsession with each other- we are best friends. Extended family gatherings now feel like a party with friends instead of a forced tradition.

There are so many sad things about leaving childhood, but the evolution with my family has been the opposite. The older I get, the more I see myself becoming who my parents are. This had led to an immense respect for them and how they raised me. I now see them as very close friends rather than guardians. I am thankful for their continued, undeniable support as life does change and we all face challenges. I am thankful for these other families that I have joined for loving me unconditionally and letting me in. I am thankful for my family’s health. I am thankful that we are all nearby and get to spend so much time together. And I am thankful for the intense bond I have maintained with my immediate family, as we all open up and allow our family to constantly evolve and grow.